Exploring Unworthiness and Self-Expression

Speaker 1 0:53

My question is really about how we relate to self , our relationship with self , in a way , as we're kind of seeing ourselves going through things . We see things that we might not like for ourselves , right , which is having expressions of unworthiness in a way right and just working out , forgetting the question later . But we also see what our expressions of this intelligence that you're talking about . It feels much more like my essence that is being expressed in that way and as we're not kind of proud or ashamed of our unworthiness , I wonder how we relate . How do we relate to it ?

Speaker 2 1:51

When you say all this to the unworthiness is that what you're referring to ?

Speaker 1 1:56

To the unworthiness , but also to not feel as much like it .

Speaker 2 2:01

Right when you're in yourself and expressive of that . When you're being expressive of yourself , yeah , the way that we relate to it ultimately is innocence . But innocence isn't something that is practice , it's just something that we are to . It ultimately is innocence . But innocence isn't something that is practice , it's just something that we are . And what is innocence ? It is the spontaneous acceptance of what is . We arrive at innocence when we have reconciled that which we are resisting and there's a great deal of resistance in all of us to some extent in accepting one the perfection of this moment ,

Understanding Innocence as Spontaneous Acceptance

Speaker 2 2:51

the perfection in our imperfection , that the divine reality knows of our existence and is deeply caring and participating in our evolutionary experience , that I have deep purpose and significance in this life . This applies to everybody , this is our nature .

Speaker 2 3:20

When we are in conflict with this , when there is disbelief , doubt , resistance to this , to those things that I just mentioned , the pathway to innocence , which is just the spontaneous allowing of this moment to unfold without premeditated thought , without a strategy , just allowing it , innocence is unleashing our natural instinct to be in awe of this magnificent life and to be expressive of the love that swells in our heart beholding it . We've all had experiences of noticing how magnificent this life is and your heart floods with love and maybe you cry because it's so beautiful . We know what it's like and then we just are at peace in that moment , appreciating everything and seeing wonder and beauty in everything the mundane , and we're not thinking about the fact that we're doing it , we're just having the experience innocently . There's no other agenda at play , but just being in the moment , appreciating it . How do we liberate that experience ? By reconciling everything that we are not accepting of , everything that we are resisting inside of ourselves , because in resistance we split , there is difference of opinion . There is a belief in our true nature . No , I am beautiful , I am significant , I am worthy . I have something very important and significant to contribute .

Speaker 2 5:27

Who do you think you are ? You idiot , don't be stupid , nobody cares , just shush and go and do that safe thing over there

The Split Between Adult and Wounded Child

Speaker 2 5:40

and just shut up , you idiot . You know , something like that is what's going on inside most people most of the time and we need to like speak about it and we need to call it out , and we we need to understand what's happening here and what the pathway out of that is , and the pathway out of that is engaging in that experience with love and with compassion , observing what's going on , and what we notice is the two dimensions . The split is generally the adult in us that knows ourself and the wounded child that finds it very , very difficult to accept who they really are . Because you didn't receive what you needed as a sensitive soul growing up . Who you are was not validated , was not nurtured , cared for in a particular way that would enable you to reconcile the magnificence of your existence and the beauty of your soul . And there is in each of us knowingness of the truth , and sometimes facing that truth is so incredibly painful that we choose to just go . I'm sorry , it's just too hard to believe in that , to just lean into who I really am , because I just could not deal with another disappointment of discovering that actually , it's true , I'm not really worth anything at all . Discovering that actually , it's true , I'm not really worth anything at all . I'm not really willing to risk it . So I'm just going to be mediocre . I'm just going to play the small game , play it safe and stay in that container and not tell anybody about it , and pretend

Making Your Inner Experience Priority

Speaker 2 8:01

to be something and pretend to be something . This is like a , you know , a gruff characterization , but I do it for the purpose of painting a picture . There are varying degrees of this . Some are more gentle , some are more extreme . It's kind of like the middle model Ha ha ha . And what we must learn to do as a matter of urgency is make ourself priority , make the inner experience that we're having priority . Stop ignoring what's happening inside of you . Notice the cycle and go . All right enough , I'm going to deal with this now . I'm going to put this one to bed . What have I got to do ? Who's around me that I can ? Going to deal with this now . I'm going to put this one to bed . What have I got to do ? Who's around me that I can talk to ? I confess up about how I've been hiding what's really going on . I'm going to expose myself . This is a really good thing to do , particularly with people that you know you can trust , preferably and have it out . Get it out . No , you can trust preferably and have it out . Get it out With the understanding that , in releasing this , what you're seeking to do is to claim the responsibility of your power as quickly as possible , while expressing your vulnerability as quickly as possible .

Speaker 2 9:33

While expressing your vulnerability , we don't want to get caught up and stuck on the vulnerability train . There's a danger in this . Being vulnerable can feel really good and we can want to just stay there , but when we're staying there past the point that we're no longer vulnerable and just like that openness and release feels kind of cathartic and therapeutic . If we're delaying , claiming our power , we're creating a problem . Are you following me ? Are you following me ?

Speaker 2 10:18

Okay ,

Claiming Your Power After Vulnerability

Speaker 2 10:26

so just to recap , we want to acknowledge and stop ignoring the conflict that's happening inside of us . We want to pick the biggest problem and face it head on by opening up , laying it out and and declaring that it's time for me to confront this . I'm no longer willing to live torn and compromised like this . I want my true self and my power to flourish , and this thing that makes me completely doubt that truth is like a thorn in my side and I want to heal .

Speaker 2 10:58

You need to find your power to actualize that . Make it happen , make it priority , make yourself priority , stop ignoring it . That's what needs to happen . That's how we start this process of really deep healing . And once you kind of confront one thing , it becomes kind of exciting . It's like , wow , if I dealt with that , what about this If I dealt with that ? What about this . If I dealt with that , what about this ? The next thing you know you're empowered and capable , and anything that comes your way , you're just processing it in the moment because you know your capability , you understand the intelligence of yourself and the mechanics of reconciling .