Speaker 1: 0:54

I find to say myself quite doubtful in aspects and I can see friends who are very assertive and they just don't seem to go into those lower places and I just I can't help feel comparison, because I meditate, I do my yoga and I'm still the one who thinks a lot, and then they seem to be cruising and they're like, oh yeah, just, you know, just be in the moment. I'm like okay then I'm like like what?

Speaker 1: 1:23

what am I? What's wrong here? And then it makes me have not faith in this practice. And so is it just because they're more evolved and had more lives than I have?

Speaker 2: 1:34

maybe I'm a newborn soul you're definitely not a newborn soul. You wouldn't be here. If you're a newborn soul, all of this would just be like. None of this would make any sense. Yeah, yeah, it's all making sense, right? Oh yeah, yeah it is.

Speaker 1: 1:57

Maybe it's my second life no.

Speaker 2: 1:59

It's. You know, comparison is a futile thing. It really is, you know, who we are around is our karma, and it's a divine orchestration, a beautiful orchestration of proximity to particular souls. And you think of each soul as broadcasting music of their history and their divine nature. Everyone is broadcasting a unique song and when those sounds come together they form a greater sound.

Speaker 2: 2:41

Now, I assume that each of you to some degree associate with some group of people that you would call your friends, right, and that circle of friends, if you want to call it a circle, sometimes it's a blob of friends. Uh it it changes. Some people go, new ones come, sometimes you just enter into a whole new circle of people. What is causing this? Who's conducting this? Because you're, you're a note. Okay, now bring this note and put it in here.

Speaker 2: 3:18

This is what life's doing. It's moving us around and it's exposing us to whatever it is that's going to cause the thing we need to move to the next layer of subtlety of consciousness. It's evolution. What is evolution for human beings? The increased subtlety of perception of what is going on here, because in the subtlety we start to understand who and what we are, and that's what this whole procession of lifetimes is about is moving into ever increasingly subtle estates of awareness and an experience of our own being in relationship to this thing we call life, and it is the gift of all the music around us that reflects back and either we harmonize or we hit a discord, and we often kind of, you know, create all kinds of stories about how terrible that is. But actually, from a larger, broader perspective, these souls are as much a gift as your dearest friends, the ones that you can connect with the most deep and that can see you and hold you through your vulnerability, as are the ones that you know do the exact opposite of that just stimulate and trigger your, your deepest, you know lowest qualities. Let's say they are also the gift, they are also a part of the divine orchestration, because they are reflecting back to you exactly what you require in order to come into contact with yourself in a more stable way. Everything is in the name of you becoming increasingly more stable and everyone is in such a unique place, and it's rare that two souls that are in such similar states are in close proximity, because you almost cancel each other out.

Speaker 2: 5:40

For a harmony to occur, for resonance to occur, there needs to be some difference Unity, but difference as well. It makes the note far more interesting and the way in which we can understand ourselves far more dynamic. So everyone that you have around you is a beautiful mirror for you, and it's just a condition of our collective psyche in a very toxic culture of embellishing and celebrating and rewarding superficiality and frivolity and deceit. That's what our society rewards. It's what our society rewards, it's what our culture rewards, and this knee-jerk kind of reaction of comparison is generally the symptom of living in a superficial culture. Even if you would consider yourself to be far more deep than the average, we still trade on what's dictated to us by culture, and it requires an immense amount of character and fortitude inner fortitude to stand against that mainstream force, to not trade on what it dictates that we need to trade on in order to belong and participate and to be significant in society. And wherever you're at in this moment, and whatever it is that you're experiencing, whatever level of doubt, it's perfect and it's beautiful, and it's where you're at the process of. Comparing yourself to anyone or anything is utterly irrelevant to what is important, to generating momentum in your own spiritual evolution. The only thing that is important is that you become intimately acquainted with what's happening.

Speaker 2: 7:54

The concept of doubt is a misnomer. The concept of doubt is a misnomer, a misconception. It is not real. The concept of doubt is a misnomer, a misconception. It is not real.

Speaker 2: 8:16

To doubt what it is you are is an oxymoron. It is a non-reality. To doubt what it is you are doesn't change whether you are or you are not. You are what you are and what you are at your nature. Your deepest level is divine intelligence and what you are recovering from is the ignorance of that. That's all that's happening here, and a symptom of that ignorance is doubting, because what you are at the deepest level of you hasn't been formally celebrated and validated and valued, held in esteem and nurtured it, and so, if only by yourself. There may be others around you that might be, maybe not, I don't know but by yourself. And so the demand now, because you are sufficiently aware sorry, I'm just going to wait because you are sufficiently aware, it's very difficult for you to ignore this now, isn't it During the day? It's very difficult for you to ignore when you are doubting yourself and you're having this experience. You're noticing yourself, having this experience. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. And in noticing yourself, have this experience. You're becoming increasingly less tolerant.

Speaker 1: 10:16

Yeah, I've felt that it's almost worse sometimes being more aware, because I have actually taken for the last month I haven't meditated at all where I used to every day for years, and I've noticed a big change. Suddenly, the mind is crazy. Yes, Crazy. Crazier. Yeah, I haven't become so sad.

Speaker 2: 10:44

It's always a relative thing, sorry, sorry, it's okay too.

Speaker 1: 10:52

Yeah, I guess does it become undone.

Speaker 2: 10:56

Yeah. So that's wonderful that you've done that experiment. Now pick up the practice again. Yeah, yeah, it's fine, we do our research. It's invaluable. And now you know.

Speaker 2: 11:10

So the fact that you're becoming intolerant of this experience of inner discord, this conflict, doubting yourself, doubting this moment, that is the force that's going to drive you deeper, it's going to cause you to carve the spear of inquiry sharper and drive it deeper into your consciousness and ask deeper questions why? What am I in conflict with? What are my values? Am I not living my values? Do I doubt the value of what I value? Is what I feel and what I desire significant, relevant? And you'll get the answers.

Speaker 2: 12:07

And the trick is to not ignore what you discover. And if what you discover is not what you want to hear, then you sit with that and you ask yourself why am I believing in something that I don't desire? How can I justify this? How can I justify being trapped in something that is not expressive of my values? How is it that I can be with myself in a particular way, be to myself in a particular way that is not expressive of who I know myself to be? That's what we need to look at To what extent are you able to embody what you truly value in the way that you are with yourself. I think that's where you're going to find your peace. Does that make sense?

Speaker 1: 13:03

Could you explain? You just said what you value with who you are.

Speaker 2: 13:06

Yes. Is there another way to say that, yeah, you have yes. Is there another way to say that, yeah, you have values, right, and you do your very best to live those values. In the way that you bring yourself into your friendships, the way that you have dealings with people, the way you maybe do business, it's all governed by a natural sensibility that you have and that you only will bring yourself intimately into proximity with people that you sense are aligned with your values. And if you're interacting with someone that isn't, you probably got some pretty clear boundaries in place, right. I'm only going to let you so far in, because I can sense that you don't see things the way that I see things, and if I let you in too much, you're likely to bring those muddy boots and trample it all over my nice rug inside Not happening, so you stay at the front door, but it's nice to chat on the porch, right? And then there are people we just love to come in and snuggle on the couch. You know couch, you know it's light a fire, and so you have a value system that you're aware of, that you live by.

Speaker 2: 14:16

And where your conflict is with yourself internally is how certain things that you value. Your understanding of yourself in some way does not live up to that. There is something about you that you believe does not live up or is unworthy of or is incapable of. This is where the doubt comes from. If you've got doubt of life, doubt of God, doubt of reality, doubt of anything, it's because you have doubt of self, and so that's what needs to be inquired about. Where is it that I doubt myself and my capacity to live what I truly value, or where is it that I'm not living my values? Or is it that I'm letting myself down and I think that I'm rotten because of that, just as a possibility? This is where it comes from that I'm rotten because of that, just as a possibility. This is where it comes from. Just need to reconcile that. Keep meditating.