Self-Soothing vs. Active Participation

Speaker 1 0:53

going back to what nick was talking about before in terms of like consciously ignoring , I think um , without it being too personal , I've been participating in some self-soothing practices that aren't necessarily productive or helpful towards my overall evolution , and I've known it and I've had awareness of it . Um , and I guess a part of me has been telling myself you know , you meditate slowly , that just dissipates , it's removed by this practice . But more recently I've it's kind of clicked where I'm like no , there's some changes that need to be made . This needs to be active participation , not just I'll just sit down for 20 minutes twice a day and it'll it'll resolve itself .

Speaker 2 1:45

It's fine , it won't yeah so what ?

Speaker 1 1:49

I guess I just want to maybe further understand , yeah , that dynamic or that fine line between keep doing the work , keep being stable and , you know , meditating and doing the practices , and that stuff does eventually dissipate , and how much of it is active participation and like for me , it's taken a while and some discomfort for me to be like , oh my God , okay , I get it time to change . But there was a period of time where I was okay in sitting with it , knowing that I was still kind of chipping away at it . But , yeah , where's that ? And is it different for situation to situation ? Yeah , there's no absolute . And is it different ?

Speaker 2 2:33

for situation to situation . Yeah , there's no absolute answer to describe absolutely everything it's non-prescriptive in that sense but we can speak about it generally , to understand it as a principle and generally speaking , meditation , as I said earlier , it cultivates awareness and through the agency of awareness awareness we can notice our experience . What are we learning to do here ? We're learning to notice our experience . What does being conscious mean ? It is becoming aware that I am having an experience , that I , the is having an experience . They are two different things .

Speaker 2 3:17

Prior to developing that awareness , the I and the experience are enmeshed in a murky state .

Developing Awareness Through Meditation

Speaker 2 3:24

I cannot differentiate between who I am and the experience I'm having . So the experience I'm having is reactive , and so I identify with the voice inside my head that is participating in that reaction and that becomes my . My sense of self , which is erratic , unreliable , and therefore my capacity to sustain confidence in some kind of stability of who I am as a person is completely diminished . And so we fabricate a personality and concealves the stickiness of the experience , and we begin to establish space where we can witness the experience that we're having and for it not to compromise the integrity of the sense of self . And as we begin creating that separation . There's a oh , there I am . Ah , alleviation , ah , peace for a moment , for a moment , and then , you know , then waves continue . It's a process we go ah , ah , ah , like this , where we're remembering ourself and then we're forgetting ourself . We're remembering ourself and then we're forgetting ourselves . We all know what this is like , right . And in this process we start to become increasingly more aware . Incrementally , day in , day out , awareness grows . And as awareness grows , so does our capacity to understand the complexity of the experience that we're having , the consequences of my existence . I'm understanding the responsibility that comes with my existence . I cannot be passive . I need to learn how this thing operates and start operating it consciously , deliberately . I know if I go over there , not good , let's go over here , avoid that . Ah , yes , this is good for me , all of these kinds of decisions that we make to either lead ourselves into greater trouble or free ourselves . So this awareness thing is key .

Confronting Discomfort and Building Confidence

Speaker 2 5:49

And then the next layer of development is not ignoring what you're noticing , because that's the big thing that we do . It's like , oh , I don't really want to have to confront that . Look at that . Let's just put that in a nice little compartment over there and pretend it's not happening until it bursts through the door and knocks us out and demands that we pay attention . And then we have to sort of all right in crisis , respond . And as we continue advancing , we hear the banging on the door . Like I'm not going to let that punch me in the head , all right , I'm going to let you out very slowly , okay , it's not so bad . And we process it . And then we get good at that . What's next ? And then we get very artful , opening doors everywhere . Come on , boogeyman out you come , scare you back , and they scatter .

Speaker 2 6:52

I , I'm confident , I am the lord of the manor . I own this experience . I become confident in myself , confidence is generated , confidence is earned , confidence is built . True confidence is earned . Confidence is built true confidence , stability by being active in the process of discovering myself and being willing to move into the discomfort and confront all the spooky things .

Speaker 2 7:22

And so finding yourself or noticing yourself , indulging in , you know , behaviors that you know are avoidant , that are soothing as opposed to healing , is all a natural part of the process . And again , you know , what we always spray it down with is a good dose of compassion , like , hey , it's cool , I'm in a process here , but there is a fine line we can . It ceases to be compassion when we let ourselves off the hook . We're not letting ourselves off the hook , we're just not beating ourselves up about it . Very important to make that distinction . We hold ourselves accountable . Hey , this is happening , we're going to deal with it . But let's just be light about it , I'm not going to beat myself up .

Speaker 2 8:12

Let's get curious . Why am I doing this ? What is the feeling that's driving this behavior ? Why am I insisting on eating that whole block of chocolate at 1 am ? Why ? Why Tasting yummy

Accountability Without Self-Judgment

Speaker 2 8:28

is not a good enough reason . Tasting yummy is not a good enough reason .

Speaker 2 8:34

And so we begin to examine . We begin to examine and we sit with it , and it's through awareness that we start to notice . And then the sensitivity of the condition makes us go hey , veda , that looks interesting . I've got this like relentless sugar craving . Oh , it's also to do with this and this and this and that and perhaps some emotional stuff . We can help you with that . And a prescription will be made .

Speaker 2 9:06

And then , you know , someone says oh , I do this breath work ? That's really powerful , just like moving big energy . I might give that a go . And you know some yoga asana . And you know bushwalks long , heart-to-hearts , women's group , women's circles , get together and just talk about that experience , all these things , they're all contributing . It's just making choices to surround yourself in environments and experiences that yield and reflect back to you the truth of who you are . So you're held accountable , being vigilant in your self-accountability and you know you fumble . No problem , get back up . You know it's not a pass or fail deal . You know

Finding Supportive Environments and Practices

Speaker 2 10:05

no one's sort of looking over you going oh sorry , yeah , except for you , sorry , yeah , except for you , exactly except for you . And that's one of the spooky things we've got to confront and go back .